A lot of times I’ve gone through one step up the ladder in so many things I previously thought myself to be “fully reached” and aware of, consequently, many a times not even finding the urge or need to probe more into.
Such was the case with “Truth”.
Once again something happened that left me seriously wondering about my ability to comprehend and absorb things in their most basic form and reality, so to say.
The other day some whirlwind online classroom lectures by L.D. Russell on various world religions caught my attention while searching for enlightenment through comparative study of major religious dogmas.
The lecturer spoke about this precarious subject in such a natural and almost neutral way that at some point I could not stop myself from realising or waking up to circle that my so-called straight forwardness and brutal honesty was intrinsically flawed and kind of self-feigning to say the least.
I think I never truly thought that caring about self image, tricking your audience into believing what you believe in, cultural or moral restrictions, hatred or love, gender, race, status or background biases can silently yet most effectively compromise and kill the very genius of genuineness, and thereby compromising every truth of yours reducing it to a mere mockery of righteousness.
Initially I deemed myself to be happy at this discovery, thinking about intellectually raised status of awareness, a cognisance which soon would uplift and augment my inside out demeanour to emit higher levels of characterful radiance.
Nonetheless, Now I know that I’ve been reset in perhaps two major dimensions and probably multiple yet unknown sub-aspects.
First and foremost, my version of correctness has come to an endless end, i feel as if it is never more than a meagre step closer to the opening of a dark tunnel of veracity, something which is high above you like a cave on the face of a very steep mountain that you are climbing, and you still have to find out the depth and measure of it…however, even when enter it,you may not be able to do so without some miracles by your side, for it to be pitch dark and you without any light to lit.
The other awakening is rather chilly and even more frightening to pay heed on, let alone talking about it this openly that one has to dissect the whole phantom where it’s “YOU” who’s going to be deskinned by none other than you yourself.
My heart is racing uncontrollably in anticipation of what follows these phrases, anyway as i always choose to do……let’s face it !
I think such an exposure has caused some mild allowances for falsification and treachery, for deep down my heart or may be in the abyss of subconsciousness the very character of my pseudo gentleman-hood has come down to resemble a dwarf that my egoistic self can’t bear to be referenced with.
i am losing the loot of life in milliseconds, but there is and will always be, a divine hand to hold on to. One day i might venture into talking more about this experience as well as what followed.
It is however a pity that Even this piece of writing has been a victim of very tragedy that it succumbed to unfold.
